What can I say, I'm a letter writing machine today. Here's another one with respect to an unresolved problem with my phone service, sent via MTS' internet "Contact Us" page.
(Dear MTS,)
Your lack of response to my previous communications is starting to feel very personal indeed. In fact I have hesitated to pay my bill (although I know I am only hurting myself in the long run) out of my disgust at the poor service I have received with respect to my previous (and still unanswered) inquiries.
This email will mark the third straight month I have attempted to contact your large and disinterested organization with respect to a computer glitch that makes my phone ring every other morning at 2:30 am (adjusted for the ending of daylight savings). Frankly, I'm beginning to feel like one of the characters in a Kafka novel.
When it says "Does your Comment or Question require a response?" and I answer yes only to receive no response it makes me wonder if there is someone there who is crafting the very best and most through response of all time to my important query (one that like a good dissertation will take months to compile and defend), or if you just don't regard my interrupted sleep as enough of a concern. At this point I'm going with the later, but my goodness wouldn't I be pleasantly surprised to receive a thoughtful response that went something like this:
"Dear Mr. Kinrade,
After several months of in-depth investigation into your most unusual and fascinating case we have discovered that it requires our immediate attention. By golly it is something we are committed to resolving with all the powers at our disposal. After all we are not just an ordinary telecom services company sitting on it's duff waiting to be pensioned off, we are your friendly and accountable provider MTS, the pride of Manitoba.
Please accept our apologies for having taken so long and having robbed you of many a night's decent sleep. To make up for it we have decided to discount your bill $10 a month retroactive to the month you first reported this incident in 2005 (only to be rebuffed by one or more surly CSRs, all of whom have subsequently been sent to grueling construction camps to build cell towers in Flin Flon, Thompson and other godforsaken corners of this great province.)
A cheque for $340 along with our thanks for your patience is in the mail, and our technicians will get no rest until we are assured that you are getting yours.
Sincerely,
X. X.
MTS Customer Service Demi-god."
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2 comments:
well, did you get a response?
Of course not. As I say, very Kafkaesque. On the bright side I had a very positive conversation with someone in technical services this week. She told me that they had tested our line and found nothing wrong with it (something they never bothered to let me know) but that they hadn't tested P MOROZ. I asked her to check out that line and make sure to get back to me to know what's going on. However this case works out I can smell a letter to the muckity-mucks at MTS and/or something for the Free Press in the not to distant future.
8^)
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